How to Write Your Love Story

The grand declaration of love is a romance film staple, whether it’s Julia Stiles reciting her emotional poem at the climax of 10 Things I Hate About You or Billy Crystal’s mid-fight confession in When Harry Met Sally…  For many of us, these movie moments have shaped our idea of romance to the point that it feels like these memorable expressions of love should come naturally.  But, unlike our favorite rom-com protagonists, most of us don’t have a Hollywood writing team scripting the perfect amorous speech when it’s time for us to make our own declaration of love.

We’ve created a series of questions to help you craft your ideal love story, no writers’ room required.

How to use these prompts

Writing about your relationship - whether you’re writing vows, a proposal, or an anniversary card - is more akin to a creative writing exercise than the five-paragraph essays many of us had drilled into our heads in school.  Answering the prompts below is a way to get your creative juices flowing.  Some of what you write can be incorporated into your final draft, or it may serve as a jumping-off point.

These questions are also fun to answer as a couple.  Zelda often asks these questions to couples when officiating their elopements and finds a lot of joy in hearing their love stories:

“When I ask the couple about their love story, the first question I ask is, ‘When and where did you meet?’ This opens up the entire love story, complete with characters and the situation, as the couples go back in their memories to the very beginning of their relationship. Sometimes they meet at school, or work, or online, or through family and friends. It’s usually filled with details, and as it’s coming from both sides, the stories can sometimes not be exactly the same, which is wonderfully curious, as each couple will remember how it was for them.  

“The second question I ask is ‘Who made the first ‘flirty’ move?’  Often, there are giggles as the couple remembers that poignant moment that changed everything. Usually, they know who it was. It may be one of them, or both. And then will ask, ‘And do you remember what that smooth move was?’  And again, all kinds of funny answers will be revealed about who started the fire, and what was the response? Did they play hard to get? Did you have to pursue and work extra hard to make your feelings known?”

Tips for writing your love story

Don’t be afraid of your own voice

Part of the reason we find fictional grand declarations so romantic is that they appear to be straight from the heart.  Rather than getting hung up on clever turns of phrase for flowery language, take a note from your favorite rom-com and speak plainly in your own voice.  A well-thought-out simile or metaphor that draws on your life experience can be far more impactful than a five-dollar word you plucked from a thesaurus.

Personal love stories are often the most meaningful and emotionally moving part of a wedding ceremony.  They set the tone for your marriage and highlight your appreciation for one another.  Zelda has heard from countless guests and parents how meaningful it is to get a glimpse into the depth of love between the couple.  Letting your words be sincere and genuine will mean more to your partner and guests than any glib Hollywood speech.

Cliches are ok

Some phrases are cliches for a reason; they reflect common experiences or perfectly capture a feeling.  The fact that so many others can describe their love story the same way doesn’t make it any less meaningful; it’s a beautiful part of the shared experience that makes us human.

Keep it short and sweet

If you’re writing something you plan to speak aloud, like vows or a proposal, try to keep your piece to three minutes or less.  Using the timer on your phone or a stopwatch, practice reading your piece aloud.  If you’re struggling to organize your speech or keep the time down, divide those three minutes by the number of points you want to make.  For example, if you have five subjects you want to cover, you can spend 36 seconds on each.  That may not seem like a lot of time, but you’ll be surprised by how much material you can cover in 30 seconds, let alone three minutes.

Funny is good, but know your limits

Humor can be a great addition to vows or a proposal.  It’s a joyful moment after all.  However, it’s important to remember your setting and your audience.  Save the dirty jokes and oversharing for your next comedy open mic, not your wedding, especially if your partner is a more private person.  Sharing too much information, particularly about your intimate life, can spoil an otherwise tender moment.

It’s also good practice to avoid deprecating jokes about your partner.  While you might privately tease each other about your flaws, those same jokes can read as mean-spirited when broadcast to your friends and family.  If you want to be self-deprecating, that’s fine, but use this moment to highlight your partner's strengths, not their weaknesses.

You don’t need to write or read your own vows

Not everyone is comfortable reading aloud or broadcasting their inner feelings to the world.  You can use the prompts in this article to write a love letter that you give to your partner, or you can share your vows privately before or after the ceremony.  Written copies of your vows make wonderful keepsakes, whether you read them aloud or not.

Although writing personal vows has become a popular practice in the United States, it’s a fairly recent trend, only coming into vogue in the mid-19th century.  Up until that point, most couples recited traditional, religious vows.  For Christian, English-speaking couples, these were usually based on The Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549 (yes, “to have and to hold” dates back to the 16th century).  There’s nothing wrong with sticking to tradition if that’s what resonates with you and your partner.  The only words you need to say to be legally married are “I do,” and there’s nothing wrong with keeping your ceremony simple and sweet.

Prompts:

When and where did you first meet?

Who made the first flirty move?

What was your first official date, and what do you remember about it?

Was there a specific moment you knew you were in love?  If so, what was it?

How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship?

What are some things your partner does that bring you joy every day?

What would you never change about your partner?

What was the first thing that attracted you to your partner?

What is your greatest hope for the future you’re building together?

Ready to write your love story?

If you’re ready to write your love story, we’re here to help. A great officiant like Zelda can help you craft your vows and make your marriage official. Get in touch to start planning your wedding today.